shakes his head sadly, saying, "Then you will have to pay
the penalty- life in prison." I say, "Okay, I'll clean it."

      My   thoughts   returned   to   my   hospital   room.  A
numbness  began  to  spread   through  my  body.   As  my
mind   reviewed   many   past  experiences  in  my  life,  I
realized  that the events  in  themselves  did  not seem so
important    as    the   underlying   attitudes    I   had   held
concerning the people  in each situation.  Although some
of my attitudes were good,  I  discovered that  I  had built
resentments toward certain people.  Suddenly  I  realized
that,  just as  I  was  helplessly caught in suffering,  these
individuals were caught  in a web of action  and  reaction
that  caused  them  to  treat  me  the  way  they  did.  As  I
forgave each one who had hurt me,  I  thought,  "How sad
it  is  that  I  am  dying  and  don't  have  the chance to tell
everyone how  much  I  truly love them."  My  feeling  of
love spread to include other people  I had known.  As my
life unfolded before me,  the only judgment  I  faced was
my own.  When each judgment of others  and myself was
dissolved by forgiveness and love,  I cried as  I had never
cried before.
    All pain ceased and I lost awareness of my body. Love,
peace  and joyful ecstasy began flowing  through me as a
vibration that I can only describe as "electric." Long-held
negative  attitudes  were  removed   and  I  could  identify
them  as  they  left: fear,  hate,  hurt  and  resentment, the
four emotions that had made me ill.  I prayed, "Dear God,
it no longer makes any difference if I live or die. Not my
will, but Your will be done."  For the first time in my life
I  attempted  no  bargains with God— I  truly gave  up my
will without any strings attached.
     Peacefully,  I  witnessed an arc of indescribable white
light growing  and  blocking out a portion of my room. It
had  vibrational  sensations  of  complete   love,  joy  and
peace.  I thought, "So this is what death is like." The edge
of  the circle began to glow in rainbow-colored light.  In
its  center, a shape  began  to form  and  I  wondered  if it
could   be   Jesus.   The   image   solidified—it   was   my
grandmother.  She  looked  twenty  years younger than at
the  time of her death.  She  told  me that  I  had  finished
what  I  was  here  to  do:  I  had learned  to forgive and to

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