gastritis and colitis.  Also, I had had a number of surgical
operations   that   had  drained  me  of  energy.   Finally  I
became diabetic,  which  in  turn contributed to cirrhosis
of  the  liver  and  chronic infections  of  the  bladder and
kidneys.   It   was   a   kidney  infection   that  caused  this
particular   hospitalization,   and   subsequent  treatments
with  drugs  and hormones resulted  in agonizing physical
reactions and convulsions.
      My thoughts returned  to  the pain that engulfed me. I
prayed,  "Lord,  why has my life been filled with so much
suffering?  Please let me die!"  I  couldn't escape the pain
even   through   sleep.   I   began   to   recall   some  vivid,
disturbing  dreams  that   I   had   experienced   the   week
before I went to the hospital.
      In one dream,  I  am  looking  at  a  gray  frame house.
Over   the   peeling   exterior   is   a   sign  reading,  THIS
BUILDING  IS  CONDEMNED.  I  feel sorry  for the old
house  and  don't  want  it  destroyed.  Since  it has a good
foundation,  I  think  it  just needs some repairs and a new
coat  of  white  paint  to  restore it.  To  my  right  stands a
luminous  angel.  I ask him, "Can't someone fix this house
so  it  won't  have to be torn down?"  Lovingly  he  replies,
"Yes,  but  no one wants to do the job.  It  will  be costly to
repair.  If  you volunteer to do it,  it  can  be  salvaged."  I
agree to work on it.
      In the second dream,  I  am  fishing  from a little white
rowboat.  I  can't understand  why  I  am  not catching any
fish. Then I look over the side of the boat and see a lot of
rubbish  in the water.  I  think,  "No wonder  I  can't catch
any  fish;  the  water  is  too  dirty  and  there  is too much
noise!"  Behind  me  is anchored a yacht.  On  it are some
friends   and   relatives,  having  a  loud  party.   They  are
throwing their garbage overboard,  polluting the lake.  On
the  shore,  three  men  dressed  in  white  suits  approach.
One  steps  forward  and  says,  "I  am the Environmental
Protection Engineer. You must clean this lake!" I protest,
saying,  "I  didn't  get  the  lake dirty.  Those  people over
there  did  it."  I  turn around,  but  the yacht is gone.  The
inspector  says,  "You  are  the  only  person here,  so you
must  clean  the mess."  I  ask,  "What  if  I  refuse?"  He

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