Watching Judging Eyes: Our watching judging energy is part of you. You call us with your doubt and universal plea for reassurance. We come when called.

An especially prevalent theme I observed was Pleasing in order to avoid facing fearful or humiliating experiences. This Pleasing seemed constantly to take me away from my inner voice as I scurried around in a frenzy trying to propitiate both real and imagined demands of people I have known in my lifetime. While pondering my placating, I recalled my first remembered dream.

Pleasing the Snake

(circa 1955)

I am submerged and swimming about peacefully in sea vegetation. A water snake begins to stalk me and I am scared to death. I try to flee in panic, but am trapped and forced to face the vicious snake. My panic grows to frantic proportions. I think "How can it do this to me?" I will do anything to escape death. Suddenly I try to win it over and offer to be friends and to do what it wants if it will spare me.

I have been pleasing and acquiescing to the snake my whole life to avoid its death venom. I have given up my freedom in fear of the snake. I will do anything to protect myself from its pain. I have not only abandoned my inner voice but my Pleasing doesn't even work. My dreams consistently produce the very experiences and monsters I am most repulsed by. The first dream I had specifically about my incubation occurred nine days before my incubation night:

Nothing Comes to Me

I am at a dream ritual and am sitting at a table inside a tipi. There is one person sitting opposite me. I am very frightened that I won't remember a dream. Nothing comes to me and I feel a great emptiness and panic.

The night of my incubation I had the following dream barely an hour after falling asleep:

My Meaning Slips Away

I receive a very important vision bringing the meaning of my incubation. It is something I know will change me profoundly, but it has slipped right by me. I try to remember it but I can't.

I asked and prayed for my inner voice but what do I get? Emptiness! My worst fears are confirmed. I have lost my healing vision. I am blinded. My source has dried up. I have missed my chance and now I run stricken in every corner.