Parents often show ignorance of the way a child's mind works by responding to their night fears in the following manner: "Don't be scared. That wasn't a real monster, Tommy. You have nothing to be afraid of—it was only a dream." But that monster was real to Tommy! In his primitive stage of thinking, he can't tell the difference. If we give him time and nurture his innate capacities for conceptual growth, he will gradually make the distinction. However, there are times when we adults also experience a dream so vividly that we feel it to be real. Here's an example of this confused sense of reality in a dream of an 8-year-old: "I was sleeping and I woke up... and I guess I was still sleeping . . . but I saw those two clowns in front of my bed. It was so scary 'cause I tried to feel them, but all I felt was air. They were laughing and thunking their heads together."

To help a child with his feelings of fear, we may ask him to think about ways he could control whatever it is that is scaring him. For example, if a child awakens after dreaming that a wild tiger is chasing him and about to eat him up, we can get the child to give a detailed description of the tiger, of where they were, of the landscape, of what they were doing, etc. As the child tells the dream, we should listen carefully for clues to possible alternatives, making suggestions in the form of questions. For example, maybe the child can find a way of capturing the tiger, slowing it down, or making it into a friend. Perhaps he can think of something, besides himself, that the tiger would like to eat.

In the beginning we have to suggest solutions, checking with the child to see if he is convinced that the alternative will work. Before long, however, the child will be able to do this on his own, needing only a few leading questions to stimulate his imagination. It is important for him to make these decisions as he is the creator of the dream and therefore is the only one who can understand what will work.

The next day the parent might suggest some of the following ideas, depending on the age of the child, his interests, the materials at hand, and the nature of the dream. He could be the tiger, leaving the role of himself to the parent who finds a successful solution. Then they can switch places so that the child can feel for himself the positive outcome. He might dance the rhythms of the different dream characters or play them on a musical instrument in his own fashion. He could paint a picture, make a collage, sculpt the tiger in clay or bake it in a batch of cookies. In the very young child, his representation may look like so much scribble or lumps of clay. Accept it. This is the way the child can give  his  fears  a  form and distance from himself  so that